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[11 Jan 2009|06:10pm] |
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Don't be a slut - wash your butt!
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[21 May 2008|05:57pm] |
Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart?
A: Because he heard boys pants were half off.
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[21 May 2008|05:54pm] |
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder, and
now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy.
He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot.
Eventually, he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority
of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities
and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is
now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to
his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the
restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes
of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper
at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment!" The fourth man
replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the
line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
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[28 Apr 2008|06:32pm] |
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作詩：吉田拓郎 作曲：吉田拓郎 私は今日まで 生きてみました
時には誰かの 力を借りて
時には誰かに しがみついて
※私は今日まで 生きてみました
そして今 私は思っています
明日からも こうして生きて行くだろうと※
私は今日まで 生きてみました
時には誰かを あざ笑って
時には誰かに おびやかされて
(※くり返し)
私は今日まで 生きてみました
時には誰かに 裏切られて
時には誰かと 手をとり合って
(※くり返し)
私には 私の生き方がある
それは おそらく自分というものを
知るところから 始まるものでしょう
けれど それにしたって
どこで どう変わってしまうか
そうです わからないまま生きて行く
明日からの そんな私です
私は今日まで 生きてみました
私は今日まで 生きてみました
私は今日まで 生きてみました
(※くり返し)
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| 吉田拓郎 |
[25 Apr 2008|02:28pm] |
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吉田拓郎 － 純 僕はアナタのすべてを 命がけでも欲しい
他の言い方はない 胸がジンジンふるえ
寝ても覚めていても 焼け焦がれてしまいそう
忙しい方々は 苦笑いするだけ
アナタのなにもかもに 心奪われた瞬間から
頑なを通します 一途なままの僕
どけ どけ どけ 無関心な奴はどけ
寄ってたかって野暮が 恋の邪魔をする
どけ そこ どけ 純情のお通りだ
男と女はいつも 求め合うのが いいさ
僕の命アナタに 捧げてしまっていいさ
男と女の距離は コブシ二つでいいさ
僕の命アナタに 捧げてしまっていいさ
僕が泣いているのは とても悔しいからです
人の尊さやさしさ 踏みにじられそうで
力を示す者達は しなやかさを失って
ウソまみれドロまみれ じれったい風景でしょう
より強くしたたかに タフな生き方をしましょう
まっすぐ歩きましょう 風は向かい風
どけ どけ どけ 後ろめたい奴はどけ
有象無象の町に 灯りをともせ
どけ そこ どけ 真実のお通りだ
正義の時代がくるさ 希望の歌もあるさ
僕の命この世に 捧げてしまっていいさ
どけ どけ どけ どけ 情をなくした奴はどけ
生きる者すべてが 愛でつながれる
どけ どけ そこ どけ 正直のお通りだ
アナタの為の僕さ 悔し涙のままさ
たぎる情熱の僕さ ゆれる心のままさ
僕の命アナタに 捧げてしまっていいさ
僕の命この世に 捧げてしまっていいさ
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| science jokes are awesome. |
[30 Jan 2008|04:20pm] |
A piece of gold walks in to a bar, the barman says A U get out of here.
One atom says to another, "Oh no! I lost an electron!"
The second atom replies, "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
Two atoms are walking in Africa.
One suddenly yells: "Oh no, I lost an electron!"
The other asks "Are you positive?"
The first one replies "Yes, I have AIDS"
A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a few drinks and passes the night away. When he's ready to leave he asks the bartender how much he owed, and the bartender said "For you, no charge".
Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Two men are having a drinking contest.
"I'll have some H20". The bartender gives him a glass and he drinks it down.
"Give me some H2O too!. The bartender serves him. He drinks it down and dies.
A biologist, a physicist and a mathmetician are all paid to observe this house. They watch it for a week and nobody enters, or leaves the complex. On the 8th day somebody walks in, and on the 9th, two people walk out.
The bioligist says: "Clearly they must have reproduced"
The physicist says: "Obviously our initial observations were incorrect"
The mathemetician says: "If one more person walks into that house, there will be nobody in it"
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
A proton walks into a Large Hadron Collider, and sees another proton, and OH SHI-
D:
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| butts |
[15 Jan 2008|10:30pm] |
： 何 ： ／:|::',:ﾄ､::::::ヽ､:.＼:.:.:.＼:.:.ヽ:.:.:＼.:.:.:.:.:::.:.:.:.:::.::::_;:-'´ ： ： ：
： が ： //:/:::|::',|::'､:::::::::＼:.:＼.:.:.ヽ:.:.:＼:.:..＼::::::::::::＼､::::＼ ： ： ：
： 何 ： /!::|::l::::/|:::l:ヽ:＼::ヽ:.:＼:.:＼.:::ヽ:.:.:ヽ:.:.:.:＼::::::::::::＼￣ ： ： ：
： だ ： |/l::|::|::|:ﾄ､:::::::::､､:ヽ､:.:.:.:::::::::::::::ヽ::::.:ヽ:.:.:.:.＼:.:.:.ヽ:::＼. ： ： ：
： か ： |::|::/l::|::|r‐ヽ:::::ヽ(ヽー,―＼::::::､::::::::::ヽ::.:.::::::.:::::::ヾ.￣ ： ： ：
： ： }//l::|:::|{（:::）ヾ､:::ヽ ＼!（:::） ヽ,:::ヽ:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ヾ、 ： ： ：
： わ ：. |/l::|::|:::|ヽ==''" ＼:ヽ、ヽ=＝'" |:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ヽ､::::＼
か / ',|::|:::| / ｀゛ |!::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ﾄ､::ﾄ､_｀ ゛`
ら l::!::::ﾄ、 '､ _ ||::::::::::::::::::::::::ﾄ:ヽヾ| |￣￣￣｀ヽ、
な r'"´||',::::', |:::::/l:::::|＼:::ﾄ､ヾ | | ／ / ＼
い / ll ',::', 、 ｰこﾆ=- /!::/ ヽ:::| ヾ､ ﾉ ﾉ ／ ,ｲ ヽ、
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| txt-man |
[05 Sep 2007|08:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Strokes - Fear of Sleep |
] |
Today I sat around and texted people who were on my phone contacts. To my surprise, I got a text from someone i've never spoken to.
I thought it might've been someone i took off my contact list but no.
I typed out the text messages so far:
him: hey buddy how is it going?
Me: it's going swell, chum. whos this?
him: long lost buddy who likes to have a beer at a bar that is still open for business :]
at this point i thought someone was just fucking around... but then
Me: bar you say? you've got my attention, my good man. do go on...
and he actually does.
him: instead of being at. bar we ened up at kelseys i believe before you caught the bus home to see your lovely wife. who was concerned considering you never stop for a beer after work.
What the fuck? I'm married? hahahaha
This will turn into a beautiful text-friendship. I can feel it :]
Time to reply. <3
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[11 Jul 2007|10:35pm] |
L DIES
AERIS DIES
SPIKE DIES
NEO DIES
TRINITY DIES
JACK SPARROW DIES
OBI-WAN DIES
YODA DIES
QUI-GON DIES
PADME DIES
BOROMIR DIES
GANDALF DIES
DUMBLEDORE DIES
EVERYONE IN EVANGELION TURNS INTO ORANGE JUICE
BAMBI'S MOM DIES
EVERY MAJOR CHARACTER IN FFT DIES
GOKU DIES
GOKU DIES AGAIN
GOKU FUCKING DIES AGAIN
GOKU DIES, THIS TIME FOR REAL, THEN DIES AGAIN!
PICCOLO DIES
KURIRIN DIES
KRILLIN DIES
TIEN DIES
CHAOZU DIES
YAMCHA DIES
VEGETA DIES
TELLAH DIES
MARIKO DIES
DARTH VADER IS LUKE SKYWALKER'S FATHER
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE
BRUCE WILLIS IS DEAD
PRINCESS LEIA IS LUKE'S SISTER
WINSTON GETS REPROGRAMMED
THEY FIND NEMO
THEY ALL WENT TO THE SAME DAYCARE
ROSEBUD IS HIS SLED
WANDER DIES AND IS REBORN FUSED WITH THE DORMIN
GRETCHEN DIES
DONNIE GOES BACK IN TIME SO HE CAN GET KILLED BY THE FALLING PLANE ENGINE
MACMURPHY GETS LOBOTOMIZED AND IS KILLED BY CHIEF
ALEX IS "CURED"
THE PLANET OF THE APES IS EARTH IN THE FUTURE
TYLER DURDEN AND EDWARD NORTON'S CHARACTER ARE THE SAME PERSON
MERCUTIO DIES
ROMEO DIES
JULIET DIES
CAESAR DIES
HAMLET DIES
TONY ALMEIDA DIES
DECKARD IS A REPLICANT
THE BOY SHOOTS OL' YELLER
FREDO WAS THE TRAITOR
VINCENT DIES
THE CRIPPLE IS KEIZER SOZE
THE COLONEL SHOOTS KEVIN SPACEY
ONE OF THE QUEER COWBOYS DIES
THE BLACK GUY DIES FIRST
ROCKY LOSES
ROCKY WINS
ROCKY WINS
ROCKY WINS
ROCKY WINS
REDRUM IS MURDER SPELLED BACKWARDS
WILLARD KILLS KURTZ
ROCKY LOSES, THEN WINS
SCARFACE DIES
SPOCK DIES
W.O.P.R. WAS JUST PLAYING A GAME
THE WIZARD IS THE GATEKEEPER
THEY NEVER FIND THE GRAIL
SIMON AND PIGGY DIE
THE ANSWER IS 42
ROSEBUD WAS A SLED
JESUS DIES
JFK DIES
LINCOLN DIES
LEONIDAS DIES
XERXES LIVES
28 WEEKS LATER EVERYONE'S STILL FUCKED
JASON LIVES
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| HAY GUYZ |
[11 Jul 2007|08:14pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
HOME MADE 家族 - アイコトバ |
] |
I NEVER FORGET ABOUT YOU GUYS
∧∧
( ﾟ∀ﾟ) う～RAPE!
⊂ つ
(つ ﾉ
(ノ
＼ ☆
| ☆
(⌒ ⌒ヽ /
＼ （´⌒ ⌒ ⌒ヾ ／
（'⌒ ; ⌒ ::⌒ ）
（´ ） ::: ） ／
☆─ （´⌒;: ::⌒`） :; ）
（⌒:: :: ::⌒ ）
／ （ ゝ ヾ 丶 ソ ─
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| Ω |
[06 Jul 2007|12:00pm] |
I'm an omega male.
And girls want to fuck omega males, but Omega males never have the time. They're always too busy wrestling with the Egyptian Gods and kicking Thor in the nutsack. In the rare occasion that a girl does sleep with me in between my hobbies of punching a snake in the face or pissing on bears, she never goes back.
Then I ride my pet Alligator into the sunset to never be seen again, and she waits until her death for my return for another fucking.
I'm an omega male, and I've done way more fucked up shit than either of you have ever thought of, Alpha male and Beta male. Or I just drop more acid than you.
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[01 Jul 2007|08:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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just woke up |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tha Blue Herb - My Faith |
] |
I don't think the person who wrote this was a native speaker of english but I lol'd anyway. It's not even that funny, i don't know why I lol'd.
"but when i was 6 Transformers the movie rocked me because Optimus Prime died and then later when he can back in the tv show as a zombie transformer and piloted the ship into a star and his arm and half his face blown off totally disturbed me...."
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| HAY GUYZ |
[24 Mar 2007|05:22am] |
REMEMBER GUYS,
THERE'S NOTHING SEXIER THAN
SPAMMING FRIENDPAGES ♡
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| SUBWAY |
[21 Mar 2007|03:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Pornorap - Old School |
] |
aw i just saw the cutest guy on the subway.
he was memorizing english.
i just saw your face on the subway.
it was memorized by english.
i just saw vlad on the subway.
he was eating english.
i just saw english on the subway.
it was eating vlad.
i just saw the subway in vlad's stomach.
i did my english homework.
i just saw homework in vlad's english.
it did subway stomach.
i just englished vlad's subway.
i am a stomach.
i just subwayed stomach's vlad.
i am a english gentleman.
I just saw vlad be a stomach.
I am no man.
i just saw a man do a vlad. not a man no more.
I just did a man. Vlad is jealous.
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[18 Mar 2007|12:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
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山下 智久 - 抱いてSenorita |
] |
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| Pi |
[14 Mar 2007|11:54pm] |
| [ |
music |
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the engine room - nip tuck - a perfect lie |
] |
FUCK!
I ALMOST MISSED π DAY!
3.14
March 14th.
I LOVE YOU PI. <3
To celebrate, I shall post the first 1000 digits
3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094 3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548 0744623799 6274956735 1885752724 8912279381 8301194912 9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798 6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132 0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872 1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235 4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960 5187072113 4999999837 2978049951 0597317328 1609631859 5024459455 3469083026 4252230825 3344685035 2619311881 7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303 5982534904 2875546873 1159562863 8823537875 9375195778 1857780532 1712268066 1300192787 6611195909 2164201989 ♥π
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| AXE |
[09 Mar 2007|05:53pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Ilona Mitrecey - Un Monde Parfait |
] |
This wasn't written by me, but this speaks truth.
Axe is the signature of the low class idiot, the same people who believe cracking a Bud light will spawn random bikini models.
It smells like shit, no... Shit smells considerably better than AXE.
You need to stop wearing this awful chemical warfare, if you truly believe this horrid substance will make you attractive, you are wrong.
Some tips to attracting women:
-Take a shower you filthy slob.
-Brush your teeth and tongue (because you most likely have bad breath)
-Stop screaming "woooo" whenever you are around women, you look like a jackass.
-Stop smoking.
-Stop listening to bad music; linkin park sounds like cats being crammed up Fran Drescher's Rectum.
When you follow these simple rules, you will find women seem to like to be around you more often, and you might even get to have sex with one of them.
So please, for all that is good, stop wearing AXE
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| Fail |
[06 Mar 2007|08:50pm] |
| [ |
music |
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GAGLE - BIG BANG THEORY |
] |
（ ﾟ Дﾟ）
( つ旦O
と＿)_)
（ ﾟ ◎ﾟ）
( ﾞノ ヾ
と＿)_)
_, ._
（ ﾟ Дﾟ）
( つ旦O
と＿)_)
_, ._
（ ﾟ Дﾟ）
( つ O. __
と＿)_) （__(）､;.o：。
ﾟ*･:.｡
_ _ ξ
(´ ｀ヽ、 __
⊂,_と（ ）⊃ （__(）､;.o：。
ﾟ*･:.｡
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| POKEMON |
[04 Mar 2007|03:07pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Bollywood music comming from the other room |
] |
This story is awesome for some reason. It deserves to be posted here as my first post.
Warning: contains lots of plot holes, poor sentence structure and gay.
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] |
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